Humour · Ruminations

Best Spam Ever


I received the following email spam. It is the best spam ever. I mean ignore the really bad English just enjoy the movie plot story! ūüôā

Hello!

Greetings! After reading your profile you left in a penpal site I decided to write you to seek for your hand in marriage arrangement, so I request that you give me your humble audience and response after reading my message.

I am Miss Monalisa Wahgan, I’m 20 yrs old, I am a medical student my father DR. WAHGAN FESCO is a very wealthy man but he has no son to inherite his wealth, so he took it as fate and love me with passion.

Two years ago my father told me to get married so that he can entrust his wealth and empire to my husband before he die but I told him not to speak of death now and beside that I want to further my education and graduate as a medical doctor before I get married, but he kept persuading me with the topic, the pressure gets too much that I decided to stay away from home for a whole year; when I came back he still raised the topic but this time there’s a son of a minister whom they had arranged for me but I told him that love is all that matters in marriage so I bluntantly refused because I don’t love the guy though I don’t know his reasons for me getting married.

So, one friday morning after having breakfast with our parents they drove out to see a family friend and to my utmost surprise I was contacted an hour later by a doctor telling me that our parents were involved in a car accident and were hospitalised, I couldn’t believe my ear but I managed to go, getting there I found my dear parents on the hospital bed, my mother died instantly while my father was lying helplessly bearly to speak, it was the begining of our tragedy.

I was dumb founded, couldn’t say a word, but my father held my hand and told me that our uncle was behind the accident that he has been trying to kill him to claim his wealth since has no son, that’s why he has been asking me to get married, it was then that I understood. He also said that we should not quarrel over his empire with our uncle else he will kill us, but that he has already secured our future through some shares he bought with a finance firm on our behalf two years ago during the financial crises.

Therefore, he adviced me to be strong and take good care of my sister and he also said that the share worth thousands of dollars and that before the finance firm can release the shares to us that I must get married, that it is only my husband that can claim it on our behalf because that was his instruction to the firm.

After the statement he breathed his last and died too, leaving me and my sister in this wicked world, and just two months after their burial our uncle took over the whole empire that our parents left behind, as if that is not enough he sent some guys to kill us but they had pity on us and ask us to run away never to return back, that is how we left our country.

Now, since I don’t have any man in my life and I will also want to marry for love and respect I am requesting that you help me claim the share by marrying me then after claiming the shares we will divorce and everybody will go his and her own way, I will also compensate you with 15% of the total shares when everything is over.

Note: If you want to help us I want you to do it willingly from your heart if it so pleases you. I expect your immediate response. Thanks for taking your time, Miss Monalisa Wahgan

What I wanted to send in reply but didn’t ūüėÜ

Dearest

I am greatly moved by the tragedy of your tale. Indeed I would give up any claim of the 15% of your wealth just so you can be free of your evil uncle.

Unfortunately I am already married. While I would divorce my wife so as to help you I can’t. You see she keeps me locked in a cupboard and only lets me out for good behaviour. When not chained to the kitchen stove I must clean the floor with my tongue and then iron her giant underwear which can take up to two hours due to its vast volume.

As you can see I am dire straights, but perhaps you could see it in your heart to send me a picture and maybe a small cash donation to help me escape the vile clutches of the wicked wife of the west.

Yours

Michael

(The Wicked Wife of the West wishes to claim editorial rights over and creative copyright especially with regards to her giant undies)

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Family

Thank-you! -an E.I.C post


Thanks for all your suggestions, support and advice on our secondary school dilemma.¬† We really appreciate it ūüôā

We’re going to a boarding school open day/ sleepover in May to have a look, we have the homeschool exemption application on file and we’ll also go to the open days at the local college… Until we’ve been to an open day or two we can’t make a firm decision, but whichever way we go we sure hope we make the right one…

It’s a harsh truth but our schooling system while mostly excellent is not set up to cope with those children who are ‘outliers’.¬† By its¬†nature it has to provide to the broadest base possible.¬† What this has meant for us is lots of work at home to provide¬†enough support for our much-loved¬†‘outlier’ to function in the system.¬† College¬†with its¬† hormones and steep learning curves seems that much scarier to us as parents.

I don’t know that there is a simple answer, I just hope that we can make a choice that allows our Mr 12 to look back on secondary school as a mostly good experience.

Wish us luck.

E.I.C

Family

The Great Dilemma: High Schooling, Lifestyle And Locations – Help!


We have found ourselves on the horns of a dilemma. The eldest T.B.T. is coming to the end of his primary school years and this year we need to make a choice as to where to send him for high school. This is giving us no end of angst.

Locally we have one high school. It¬†is ok, except for the fact it is a little over run with drugs and bullying. Apparently it is improving¬†under a new principle but even so we doubt it will be at a point¬†where¬†would be happy to send him. The other fact is that half¬†his class will be going and since most of them don’t like Mr12¬†it is inevitable he will be bullied¬†in a continuation of habits developed over primary school. So that counts the local out.

We could send him to day¬†school in Palmerston North. There is a school there which would be good except for the fact that it would be an hour and a half bus trip each way, so three hours commuting a day. That doesn’t seem much of a life for a growing teenager¬†and there is a problem getting him to and from the bus. We live to far out of town to get him there easily. So that sort of counts that option out.

Our favourite option is sending him to boarding school. There are a couple of options that would be really good for him considering his personality. The trouble of course is we can’t afford to send him and he/we are not eligible for any of the scholarships or grants.

This is where we start to really twist and turn on our horns. IF the E.I.C. could find a job locally we could potentially afford to send him, except we then start to sacrifice for Mr5 what we have given Mr12 Рa household where there is a parent home always after school, and in the holidays. It seems a tad unfair on the youngest T.B.T. Especially since I am away a lot of the time, to then send Mr12 away and mum? Since a bit like abandonment to us.

The other option is homeschooling. Which we could do we think successfully Рyet Mr12 is just starting to make headway in learning to deal with people. He really likes school and we want to give him an opportunity to form a pack with new people and a new school. We worry he would not get enough social time and form good friendships even if we did try and fill his afternoons with activities.

Our last option, and least favoured, is selling up and moving where? We can’t afford to move to the city, which would be unfair on Mr5¬†again after we have tried to provide¬†our boys with a rural lifestyle. We could move to the Wairarapa, there are a couple of schools there which would work for us. The trouble is property isn’t selling here and we all really love Entfarm and what it gives us.

So the E.I.C. and I are going around and around in circles trying to figure out what would be the best option for all of the family. That would let us give both boys what we want to give them and the best opportunity in life with good schooling.

We are open to advice ūüėÜ