So in that random thing you do here is a selection of selfies from 2006 till now I found in my digital archive. I should do this with pics of Kylie but she would need to veto the post first!
It’s my birthday next Tuesday and we kind of really love birthdays. So I’m looking forward to it very much.
One of the things we try to do is have leave on each others birthdays so we can just do what we want. This year I’m being especially indulgent and taking the Monday off as well so that I can have a long birthday weekend.
There’s a bonus of a WWE pay-per-view show that I can watch on Monday on the WWE Network if I want. Although this one’s matches are not spinning my wheels so I may give it a pass.
For the birthday I’m planning much eating. For tea we will go to Lone Star so that I can have a big steak not cooked by me. For breakfast I am toying with taking family to a cafe so I can have eggs Benedict. Lunch will be something light at home, maybe a pie. I have to think on whether to cake or not.
Now excuse me while go back to plotting and planning and scheming… 🙂
I may want a marshmallow cake with marshmallow frosting
One of the aspects of raising a Rainbow family is becoming aware of just how many times the kids have to Out themselves if they want to live openly. It’s also becoming aware of how often they have to, and will have to, make judgement calls as to how safe that coming out is.
Having blithely danced my way through life being a mostly het (I’ve never met a guy I was attracted too but wouldn’t rule it out in some hypothetical world so 95% straight) cis guy I thought the most that LGBTQI+ folks would have to come out would be maybe three or four times (family, friend, work). But I’m now acutely aware how wrong I was.
I wish my kids didn’t have to go through this and have hopes that they will see a time where there is no need to think “will I be safe if I tell people about myself.” Even better would be world where people didn’t have to come out.
It’s been a difficult few weeks. We tried very hard to do all the right things and we did like the puppy, but we came to the realisation that we are just not puppy people. So today I took the puppy back to the breeders who were very lovely folks and very understanding.
Naturally the household is a mixture of sadness and relief. I think mostly relief.
They say there are cat people, and dog people, and fish people. We think there must be puppy people as we love dogs but just don’t deal with puppies. We are going to have a break from owning a dog for a while, and if we ever do decide to get another we will be getting an older rehome dog.
For now we will stick with the cat.
I had a bit of stress craving for Lemon Chicken tonight so off we went to find some. Somewhere local. Sadly it was not great. In fact we haven’t really found a decent local takeaway joint. All the local Fish and Chip shops are bad and the best option is in Masterton 20 minutes up the road.
The KFC in Masterton is good though, and the local Indian is pretty tasty but very expensive. Once a week there is a mobile pizza van that comes past which is yum. The good news is we will spend less on takeaways.
One of the local fish and chip shops has recently changed hands and is currently closed for refurbishment. There is hope it will re-open as a good one. Please.
Otherwise it will be road trips for fish and chips…
On my smart phone I allow myself two gaming distractions. If I allowed more I would probably spend even more time gaming on it and poor Kylie and the family would be not best pleased. 😆
Currently I play Clash of Clans and Candy Crush. I’m in a clan of older gamers in Clash to avoid teen and early twenties douchery. I like building my base up and planning next upgrades. Raiding can be fun but it isn’t my primary enjoyment. Clash is the primary game I play while Candy Crush is the secondary. I am quietly pleased that of my friends on Facebook who have linked their Candy Crush I have made the most progress (Level 1734). That is my small competitive streak showing. Mostly I just like unlocking stages. If there is a new game I want to play I usually stop play Candy Crush for a while.
What I won’t do is spend money on the games. I can see how easily micro-transactions would add up. I will buy games out right but not do micro-transactions.
We took the old dog Candy to the vet with many fears and anxieties over her ongoing arthritis. Coming out we are much calmer. She has arthritis in her paws and joints, but it isn’t too bad yet. In fact she is in pretty good shape for age.
We can put her on a course of magic drug injections with no side effects that will keep her going, and when she has a painful day we can give her panadol of all things.
It’s only when she needs to go on anti-inflammatories that we will need to have the big talk and that is awhile away yet.
Kylie and I have been in denial for a wee while about how old our old dog is. Candy is a Labrador and is nearly 11 years and 6 months old which is pretty good for a Lab. We have been noticing a steady decline in her demeanor and mobility over the last few months, with her bounciness and happy dogy grin disappearing more and more.
It takes her a day or so to recover from being taken for a walk, and when she want s to play she lasts a couple of throws of the ball before retreating for a nap. She has taken to hiding behind curtains which is odd but slightly cute if worrying. She has been great with the pup but her tolerance is rapidly fading.
We had another old dog, Jess, who also had this happen. (Aging what can you do). With Jess we put her on pain meds and probably extended her life by around 6 to 8 months. In hindsight though we have real doubts over if that was the right choice to make. Sure when she first went on drugs we saw an immediate lift but then the side effects hit in and the drugs needed to be stronger. Her quality of life really didn’t improve.
So now we after having been in denial about this we are faced with having to make the same choice again. The question we face is: if we put on meds who are we really doing it for? And is that the kindest option? Maybe we will be lucky and Candy won’t get all the bad side effects?
We will be talking to the vets this week to find out options, but we want her to go happy and not riddled with pain. It’s all very sad.
The first night with Marzi wasn’t too bad. She settled into her crate and only whined a little at the start. I was more disturbed by her rustling around every now and then 😆 . We have one opps overnight which was a bit traumatic for all involved.
She was certainly active though when we got up at 5am for work. Poor Kylie will be loosing her lie-ins for a while as we negotiate a regular routine. She is looking like a very bright puppy having already started sitting on command (mostly).
Now I think Kylie and I have reasonable ideas about what we expect from our kids and them growing up. This morning I read an article online and there was a throw away line in it that had me thinking about what was reasonable expectations for children and mine. To paraphrase the author said “being lesbian I expect both my daughters will probably grow up lesbian but if they are heterosexual then I will still accept them and love them.”
There is a bit to unpack from that but what I wanted to talk about was around being a parent and what is a reasonable expectation.
For me I have a few expectations for the kids.
At a high level they are; grow up to be happy, thoughtful, adults who are good and kind and treat people right. Beyond that I don’t know if parents should have expectations. I especially don’t think it is healthy for either parent or child, for the parent to have expectations about who they will love, how they will express themselves or what they will do as an adult.
When the children leave home we have a hope they will go on to do study or training of some sort (you want your children to be successful right) but it doesn’t really matter what. If they don’t then that is ok. I think I have one expectation for when they leave home and that is for them to have a plan. It doesn’t matter if it is only a short term plan, but I want them to at least say “for the next while I want to try this”.
In terms of relationships I really don’t think parents should have expectations beyond hoping that their children have good positive ones where their friends and partners (if they have them) treat them right.
I think you can tell how your kids will grow up and where they will head relationship-wise if you listen to them. It’s very important to let them tell you and not try to lead them.
For in the end don’t we want to raise happy confident adults who will explore their world in their own way?