I had a bit of stress craving for Lemon Chicken tonight so off we went to find some. Somewhere local. Sadly it was not great. In fact we haven’t really found a decent local takeaway joint. All the local Fish and Chip shops are bad and the best option is in Masterton 20 minutes up the road.
The KFC in Masterton is good though, and the local Indian is pretty tasty but very expensive. Once a week there is a mobile pizza van that comes past which is yum. The good news is we will spend less on takeaways.
One of the local fish and chip shops has recently changed hands and is currently closed for refurbishment. There is hope it will re-open as a good one. Please.
Otherwise it will be road trips for fish and chips…
On my smart phone I allow myself two gaming distractions. If I allowed more I would probably spend even more time gaming on it and poor Kylie and the family would be not best pleased. 😆
Currently I play Clash of Clans and Candy Crush. I’m in a clan of older gamers in Clash to avoid teen and early twenties douchery. I like building my base up and planning next upgrades. Raiding can be fun but it isn’t my primary enjoyment. Clash is the primary game I play while Candy Crush is the secondary. I am quietly pleased that of my friends on Facebook who have linked their Candy Crush I have made the most progress (Level 1734). That is my small competitive streak showing. Mostly I just like unlocking stages. If there is a new game I want to play I usually stop play Candy Crush for a while.
What I won’t do is spend money on the games. I can see how easily micro-transactions would add up. I will buy games out right but not do micro-transactions.
We took the old dog Candy to the vet with many fears and anxieties over her ongoing arthritis. Coming out we are much calmer. She has arthritis in her paws and joints, but it isn’t too bad yet. In fact she is in pretty good shape for age.
We can put her on a course of magic drug injections with no side effects that will keep her going, and when she has a painful day we can give her panadol of all things.
It’s only when she needs to go on anti-inflammatories that we will need to have the big talk and that is awhile away yet.
Kylie and I have been in denial for a wee while about how old our old dog is. Candy is a Labrador and is nearly 11 years and 6 months old which is pretty good for a Lab. We have been noticing a steady decline in her demeanor and mobility over the last few months, with her bounciness and happy dogy grin disappearing more and more.
It takes her a day or so to recover from being taken for a walk, and when she want s to play she lasts a couple of throws of the ball before retreating for a nap. She has taken to hiding behind curtains which is odd but slightly cute if worrying. She has been great with the pup but her tolerance is rapidly fading.
We had another old dog, Jess, who also had this happen. (Aging what can you do). With Jess we put her on pain meds and probably extended her life by around 6 to 8 months. In hindsight though we have real doubts over if that was the right choice to make. Sure when she first went on drugs we saw an immediate lift but then the side effects hit in and the drugs needed to be stronger. Her quality of life really didn’t improve.
So now we after having been in denial about this we are faced with having to make the same choice again. The question we face is: if we put on meds who are we really doing it for? And is that the kindest option? Maybe we will be lucky and Candy won’t get all the bad side effects?
We will be talking to the vets this week to find out options, but we want her to go happy and not riddled with pain. It’s all very sad.
The first night with Marzi wasn’t too bad. She settled into her crate and only whined a little at the start. I was more disturbed by her rustling around every now and then 😆 . We have one opps overnight which was a bit traumatic for all involved.
She was certainly active though when we got up at 5am for work. Poor Kylie will be loosing her lie-ins for a while as we negotiate a regular routine. She is looking like a very bright puppy having already started sitting on command (mostly).
Now I think Kylie and I have reasonable ideas about what we expect from our kids and them growing up. This morning I read an article online and there was a throw away line in it that had me thinking about what was reasonable expectations for children and mine. To paraphrase the author said “being lesbian I expect both my daughters will probably grow up lesbian but if they are heterosexual then I will still accept them and love them.”
There is a bit to unpack from that but what I wanted to talk about was around being a parent and what is a reasonable expectation.
For me I have a few expectations for the kids.
At a high level they are; grow up to be happy, thoughtful, adults who are good and kind and treat people right. Beyond that I don’t know if parents should have expectations. I especially don’t think it is healthy for either parent or child, for the parent to have expectations about who they will love, how they will express themselves or what they will do as an adult.
When the children leave home we have a hope they will go on to do study or training of some sort (you want your children to be successful right) but it doesn’t really matter what. If they don’t then that is ok. I think I have one expectation for when they leave home and that is for them to have a plan. It doesn’t matter if it is only a short term plan, but I want them to at least say “for the next while I want to try this”.
In terms of relationships I really don’t think parents should have expectations beyond hoping that their children have good positive ones where their friends and partners (if they have them) treat them right.
I think you can tell how your kids will grow up and where they will head relationship-wise if you listen to them. It’s very important to let them tell you and not try to lead them.
For in the end don’t we want to raise happy confident adults who will explore their world in their own way?
Yesterday this article made it way around my Twittersphere: My Daughter is not Transgender. She’s a Tomboy. Unsurprisingly for my stream it was met with a decent amount of disdain. The following tweet pretty much sums up my reaction to it –
Look, can we agree that: 1. A tomboy girl may not be trans. 2. It's SUPER gross for parents to write articles insisting their kids are cis.
There are many, many voices out there writing on this that are better than mine and easy to find.
What I keep coming back to are the questions: where has all this insistence of a super confined gender identity come from? Why are all the toys and clothes become so hyper gender rigid?
Back in the late 70’s and 80’s it seemed that gender didn’t matter that much. It didn’t matter if you were a Tom Boy or a Tabby Girl. Guys and girls were often in very similar clothes and toys didn’t seem so overtly gendered. (Maybe I have rose tinted glasses). It seemed fairly natural.
In the 90’s and 00’s it seemed to me to get more forced. Clothes and toys started to get more gendered and there was the start of the reaction against that.
Now it has got very extreme. Everything is gendered and is so wrong. Once upon a time Lego wasn’t gendered. Now it is. Girls must be princesses and boys a superhero. There is no give. And yet there is slowly forming a greater awareness of transgender and gender fluidity.
We need to grow with that awareness and work against the hypergendering of clothes and toys. We need to accept our children for who they are and let them tell us.
So on Sunday we will pick up our new puppy. She is a White German Shepherd / Alsatian. Therefore I should let you know there will be posts on puppy training and progress and growing and cuteness. We are planning on calling her Marzi short for Marzipan, to go with Candy.
Recently at the charity book sale Kylie rescued a box of knitting patterns. There must be over 250 patterns in the box. Last night as her and Grandma Sue had a shifty through the box she started coming up with amusing and dodgy captions for the cover images. I started tweeting them and they were moderately popular. Look at this little spike in my Twitter interactions.
The best one though was this cover. We are still not sure what is in her mouth.